The one universal experience most pregnant and postpartum women share is that one way or another, we’ve all received unsolicited advice. It’s the advice no one’s asked for, but when given, can make you feel like a complete failure.
During my pregnancy, I heard it all
“Work until you give birth.”
“Is there really one baby in there? You’re so big.”
Postpartum, it was as though the floodgates opened.
“You hold your baby too much.”
“You’re not feeding your baby enough.”
“Your baby is too big,”
They bothered my every last nerve. At one point, when told I was spoiling my son by holding him whenever he cried, I snapped back: “Well, I certainly did not hold him in my womb for nine months to just put him down now, did I?” Yikes, I know. Not my best moment—but it revealed how deeply those words cut.
More than anything, I wanted the comments to stop. Each comment felt like a jab to my soul. I was already struggling with postpartum anxiety and depression, and every word made me feel closer to falling apart.
Wrestling With God’s Perspective
In my private time with God, I began to complain to him. After all, I could share how those comments made me feel, right? Suddenly, I felt a nagging in my chest. Why? Why what? Why do those comments hurt you? What do I have to say about them?
I had not considered what God had to say about the comments I had been receiving. I turned to scripture, expecting comfort. Instead, I found conviction:
- Proverbs 11:14 – “Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.”
No, that’s not right. What does the bible have to say about UNSOLICITED advice?
- Proverbs 12:15 – “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice.” Ok, this is getting offensive. Let me look in another book.
- Ecclesiastes 4:13 – “Better was a poor and wise youth than an old and foolish king who no longer knew how to take advice.”
Suddenly, it hit me like a truck. God was not agreeing with me, He was correcting me.
How had I allowed myself to become so prideful? So wrapped up in myself that I forgot how to listen? While not every piece of advice fit my situation, who was I to dismiss the experiences of mothers who had walked this road before me?
Lesson Learned
Here’s the truth: it hurts to hear advice that makes you feel like you’re doing it all wrong. But mother to mother, let me reassure you, you’re not failing. You’re doing your best, and that is enough.
When another mother gives you advice, Most of the time, they are not speaking from judgment but from love. They don’t want you to struggle in the ways they did.
Parenting is not one size fits all. You could receive all the advice in the world, but you don’t have to follow everything.
Scripture reminds us:
- Proverbs 1:7 – “The simple believes everything, but the prudent gives thought to his steps.”
- 1 Thessalonians 5:21 – “Test everything; hold fast to what is good.”
That means we should measure advice carefully, pray about it, consider whether it fits our family, and hold onto what is good. Even if it doesn’t apply now, tuck it away. You never know when it might be useful later.
Final Encouragement
Unsolicited advice will always come. But instead of letting it pierce your heart, test it against God’s word and your family’s needs. Hold fast to what is good, let go of what doesn’t fit, and remember, you are not alone in this journey.
A Little Extra for You
If this post resonated with you, I’ve included a short devotional attached to it. It’s designed to help you reflect on the scriptures mentioned here, journal your own experiences with unsolicited advice, and invite God into your parenting journey. Think of it as a companion piece—something practical and prayerful to carry with you beyond the blog.
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